The Pharmacy Chick

I am constantly amazed (disappointed, really) with the sheer number of people who believe that it is everybody else’s responsibility to take care of their problems. I am not talking, of course, about those who hand me a prescription and want me to fill it. Thats my job, and how I make my living. I am talking about those people who couldn’t put on their own socks without finding some problem with it. Here are a few of my favorite “case in points”

1. Merv (fake name of course) brings me his empties every month. No bottle of his is ever called in nor does it ever take up space in his own garbage. He hands it to me. There are never any refills remaining. His doctor (whose tent I would like to fill up with fleas) never authorizes more than one refill at a time. He is also notoriously slow at calling back (more fleas). You’d think that ol’ Merv would figure this out, but he never does. “Can ya give me a few til he calls back?” I am tired of this game, so I ask him: “Merv, we are friends, right? (he nods) So when are you gonna quit doing this?” He looks at me blankly. “Every month you bring me empty bottles and want me to give you a few. Why don’t you call me 3 days before you run out?” ” I dunno, don’t think about it I guess” he stammers. Whatever.

2. I know Mary has a phone. I have spoken to her on it. She calls in her refills, but never uses the automated system (fine, I can deal with that). We have to call the dr often for refills because he only gives 1 or 2 fills at a time (fleas for your tent too doctor!). She lives only a few blocks from the store so she walks. She NEVER calls to see if her refills are ready. One might think that after a few times sent home empty handed that she would learn to call BEFORE she comes in, but she never does, and there is always drama when she learns its not ready “But I walked all the way here!”. Pity, you get to walk ALL THE WAY home now too.

3. Ann has money, good thing too, because she likes brand name drugs. Unfortunately she also likes to complain because these brand name drugs are expensive. Sorry, no pity from the white coats. You want the Rolls Royce? you pay for the Rolls Royce. I could save her $4000 per year in drug expenses but she won’t hear it….but I will…over and over.

4. Hal has had a tough life. I wouldn’t trade places with him if you promised me a bucket of gold. Most of his problems however stem from bad decisions. Choices made broke him miserably. He hasn’t learned much; his choices still suck. He has no money for his albuterol inhaler because he spent it all on cigarettes. He complains about his $2 welfare copays for insulin and glyburide when he stocks his grocery cart with ice cream. He berates us for being in the back of the store cuz he has to haul is 300lb flabby butt all the way back to see us. Drop 150 lbs and then perhaps I’ll feel more sorry for ya buddy. Four months of every year of my wages are taxes so you can park your butt at my counter and whine.

5. Tracy is on COBRA. Its aptly named after a poisonous snake for a reason; turn your back on it and you’re dead. She gets about 1 week of coverage each month because she pays her bills at the last possible moment. If you aren’t familiar with COBRA, they will drop you like a hot rock if they dont have your cash–check cleared and cash in hand plus a few days for good measure. Tracy just cannot grasp this. I warned her when she told us she was going on COBRA. “pay it early-if its not cleared by the due date, you will wait 2 weeks before they will reinstate you”. She doesn’t believe me. So she is dumped at the beginning of every month, whine whine whine til they finally get her online again around the 20th of the month.

6. Friday comes on the same day each week. Minnie calls in her pain pill refill every Friday. AND every Saturday she comes in and its not ready. She leaves distressed because I can’t give her any. “What am I gonna do?” she cries. “Call me Thursday morning instead of Friday afternoon, Minnie. Your doctor isn’t in pain, you are.”

7. Joe Traveler. This scenario (or one similar) has repeated itself too many times to mention. He either forgot his meds, left them in a hotel, the airline lost the luggage or he ran out. He says its at Big Box at 10th and Vine in Crawville, but he has no phone number. He doesn’t know the name of the drug “its my pink heart pill”. He makes it my problem to find the pharmacy, and I waste a lot of time transferring the drug to find out I dont have Procardia XL brand name in stock. I call 3 other stores (fruitlessly, at his request) in the effort to procure it. I reluctantly offer to order it. “Oh, never mind, I fly home tomorrow anyway”. I had to be restrained from strangling him with the phone cord.

8. To: every Tom Dick and Harry who asks me where something is. From Pharmacy Chick: I will speak slowly and I will tell you where “it” is. Listen to what I say. I will not confund you. I will tell you the aisle number and whether to look left or right. These 2 things are all you need to know. I may even tell you what shelf its on. However, its apparent that this may be too much for you because you failed to follow these simple instructions. You walked down aisle 5 when I said 7. I said front of the store and you stopped in the middle. You came back and said ” I can’t find it”. Good thing you can’t read minds because you’d hear me thinking ” Thats because you couldn’t find your butt with both hands, idiot”. So now one of us must physically escort you to your item because you can’t follow simple directions.

My degree is Bachelor of Science, but sometimes its appears to be Baby Sitting or worse yet, Bull Sh**.

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