Holy “Weak”
This upcoming week starts Holy Week for the Christian calendar, culminating at Easter Sunday. Up to this point, I have not shared with the World Wide Web and all 5 of you that read my blog, that in addition to being the Pharmacy Chick, I am also an Christian.
I have found that it is generally easy walking the Christian walk in most aspects of my life but one. Work. For some reason, I struggle mightily with being a Christian in my workplace. Day after day I endure (and “endure” is a good word) people who try my patience to its very frayed end. I am frustrated not only with patients but with other health care professionals (Dr’s and nurses) and with my staff. Its an uphill battle in quicksand, and all sorts of mean, nasty and ugly sort of things.
Customers never cease to amaze me with their ingenious ways to deceive. Whether it be blatant lies in their attempts to get narcotics, or mischevious attempts to fraud their insurance, I find it hard to “love” these people. Its always easy to love people who love you back. Its easy to love people to see things your way, or do things the way you like them. Its another thing entirely to love people who challenge you at every opportunity. Who wants to love em? I dont even want to like them!
Work is a frustrating place for me. Its a sacrificial job, everybody who reads this knows it. I get no lunches or breaks (except on mondays). I stand on my feet for 11 hours a day. I have been called at home, and on my days off. I walk away from a half eaten sandwich because somebody wants something. I drink flat soda because I can’t finish it. When I think I have no more to give, somebody asks for more.
But thats what Christ did, and He calls me to do the same. To God, I am not better and no worse than the drug seeker I find it easy to look down upon. We both need the Savior. I love my God, I really do. And for some reason He has me in this store, gutting it out day after day with a purpose in mind that is not immediately evident to me. Somedays I get a glimpse. Somebody will grace me with a box of candy and a very sincere thank you. Once I saw a mole on a man’s arm (I was giving a flu shot) that was ugly. It was melanoma and he got it cut off. He told me I saved his life.
Its still a struggle for me. I thought I would reach some spiritual maturity point where it would be easier for me to be this loving and caring person in the pharmacy. So, why is it so hard? Why do I still fail in that “love the fellow man” department? Sometimes I feel like a boiling pot and somebody is holding the lid down.
I’d like my attitude in the pharmacy to be more genuine servanthood and less oscar winning performance. Sometimes I feel that I’m a bit of a disappointment. I don’t want to be fake. The fruit of my spirit needs to have the worm expelled from it. Just gotta figure out how.
Tags: personal life, pharmacy life, rambling | |